Turkey penis
on January 2, 2021 at 1:01 amChapter: Tales Told out of School
Characters: David Walkerton, Joyce Brown
Location: Joyce and Walky's apartment
There were a few years in which we tried to cook our own Thanksgiving turkey, and honestly I’m not that bad at it, but these days I’m all fuggit and order a Bob Evans Farmhouse Feast, the end.
What if: I spent only an hour warming things up.
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There’s one video that makes me want to try cooking a turkey.
However, it would be feeding two, for like a MONTH, and idk
A rotisserie chicken is more to-scale for you, they’re usually two- or three-meal size.
idk how to scale the video to that
I… guess I could ask him, tho 🤔
Honestly, I’d brine the chicken in chicken stock (or water spiked with kosher salt and chicken bullion) then grill the sucker. Brined grilled chicken is good, especially over charcoal and seasoned with hot smoked paprika and cumin (with a dash of cocoa powder).
I haven’t tried beer can chicken yet, but I don’t drink anyway so maybe a soda can of chicken stock would work…
https://i.pinimg.com/originals/ca/50/4d/ca504da3885e8f62fb13da49a1f91dc2.jpg
When I lived with my parents, because they like to have the turkey finished cooking early enough to put pies in the oven in the morning while they carve the bird ahead of taking it to my aunt’s house, I volunteered a few years to put it in the oven at 3 or 4 AM because my bedtime is the closest to that. But now I just get Luby’s turkey dinner special. A slice of turkey, scoop of cornbread dressing, and a dollop of cranberry sauce with choice of sides, bread, and dessert and all I have to do is stand in line for half an hour? Fantastic.
I get a couple of drumsticks and just cook those. In other years when family could be around we all get our parts of choice and just cook those. Cooks faster, more evenly, no working around all the fiddly parts to get meat off, and four people can have a drumstick.
Normally, we pick up a couple of rotisserie chickens from Sams Club or wherever the day before and rewarm them the day of. They usually come out very well – plus everyone likes chicken better than turkey anyway.
THIS year, since we bought an air fryer to reduce our ordering out, we did buffalo chicken wings for Thanksgiving.
And Christmas.
And New Year’s Day.
And also just randomly when we don’t feel like cooking.
I don’t know how I lived before this air fryer.
Normally my family has a get-together for seven or so people, so my sister-in-law and I will cook whatever meal we’ve planned for the day. This year, since stupid plague bullshit, I just grabbed a turkey breast, cut it into strips, and made fried spicy turkey fingers with home-made blue cheese dipping sauce.
OMG, you actually managed to make turkey sound appealing! Skipped the bird altogether this year for Christmas (being a Kiwi we don’t tend to do Thanksgiving) and went straight to the lamb and ham.
So Walky wasn’t grossed out when he thought he was holding a turkey penis, but he’s grossed out when he learns it’s actually the turkey neck. Interesting.
“Turkeys have PENIS NECKS??” I guess
Penis are funny. Walky will always lean into the funny.
Necks without skin and disconnected from the rest of the body are horrifying.