I used to go to Taylor’s Landing for lunchbreak, and buy their 1 pound clam strips and fries deal. That’s more than I need, so I would share with the gulls while I eat.
I’d be munching away, and birds would start to watch me. I’d toss a few fries their way, and they dive in for them. More would see, and they come to get a free handout, I’d toss a clam to them. They’d gather closer, start catching food in mid air. One landed on the far end of the bench, awaiting his serving. More would flock in. I was surrounded, and they were insatiable, clamoring over each other with ever niblet I would toss.
Finally, as I selected a juicy clam and reared back to toss it over their heads… it disappeared from my hand before I could toss it! I turn to look straight into the biggest gull sitting right on the table in front of me, with two others joining in. The one on the bench had moved up right next to me, and was thinking my fingers looked an awfully lot like fries.
I overturned my plate and got the heck out of their as the birds converged on my remaining lunch in a wild frenzy.
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DON’T FEED BREAD TO BIRDS
for one, they’re assholes
For two, they shit all over your car afterwards.
Damn, that means I have a bunch of birds in my neighborhood who don’t know Rule #2, because I never feed them, yet they shit all over my car anyway!
Oh, wait. Rule #1. Yeah, that checks out.
For three, they gain almost no nutritional value from bread and just get filled up with empty calories, effectively being starved on a full stomach.
Tonight, on When Pigeons Attack…
Untitled Pigeon Game?
Yup. We see what he did there.
Well, I was trying to lean more into imagining it. Flying your pigeon around, pooping on cars, divebombing innocent cats, things like that. 😀
Feed the birds and what have you got? Fat birds.
But it’s only tuppence a bag from the old lady!
Somewhere, Alfred Hitchcock is smiling.
Where did Joyce get a tuppence?
Wow. Haven’t heard/thought of that song in ages! “Good show, ol’ man!”
I used to go to Taylor’s Landing for lunchbreak, and buy their 1 pound clam strips and fries deal. That’s more than I need, so I would share with the gulls while I eat.
I’d be munching away, and birds would start to watch me. I’d toss a few fries their way, and they dive in for them. More would see, and they come to get a free handout, I’d toss a clam to them. They’d gather closer, start catching food in mid air. One landed on the far end of the bench, awaiting his serving. More would flock in. I was surrounded, and they were insatiable, clamoring over each other with ever niblet I would toss.
Finally, as I selected a juicy clam and reared back to toss it over their heads… it disappeared from my hand before I could toss it! I turn to look straight into the biggest gull sitting right on the table in front of me, with two others joining in. The one on the bench had moved up right next to me, and was thinking my fingers looked an awfully lot like fries.
I overturned my plate and got the heck out of their as the birds converged on my remaining lunch in a wild frenzy.
Damn asshole birds!
This is such a shitpost and I love it