Sober virgin-types
on March 16, 2014 at 12:01 amChapter: Premarital Hanky-Panky
Characters: Danny Wilcox, Jennifer Billingsworth
Location: Danny's parents' house
Billie has never cuddled. Â The idea of cuddling, at its very core, is ridiculous to her.
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“Monopoly, mostly.”
I played the game to completion once. How did this game become a classic?
Because it’s really easy to win once you get ahead and everyone loves that. problem is most people don’t play it properly.
The worst is folks who insist on making Free Parking do something, typically pay out a ridiculous amount. This makes the game last longer, and makes everyone more miserable.
Free parking always shunted everyone back one in a custom game I played, except for the car which went forwards one. The top hat could get out of jail for a hundred too, if I recall correctly. The game was filled with house rules and played for money in a shared house.
The way I’ve always played is that you put any money that doesn’t specifically go to someone under Free Parking and collect it if you land directly on it.
ignorance of games that are FUN to play
Interesting factoid: Monopoly was intended by its creator to serve as an anti-capitalist propaganda piece. Step 1: play the game. Step 2: hate your family because of the game. Step 3: ??? Step 4: Socialist Utopia, hooray!
Yeah, the gameplay where pure chance gives one player a lead and then they use it to grind everyone else’s faces into the dirt for hours until every last penny has been squeezed out of them and they’re finally allowed to quit is entirely deliberate.
It’s also about half the game it was originally designed as, IIRC. The half that was deliberately unfun to show how unchecked monopolies and their consequences honestly kind of suck.
It was invented during the Great Depression. By the time they got done playing it, people decided they didn’t really want anything to do with all that money anyway and felt better about their lives.
It became a classic largely due to being fairly innovative. At the time it was created the cyclic random movement, resource management and auction mechanics were fairly rare. So too were the deck based chance elements. The combination of all these was, I’m almost certain, unique. At the same time the thematic elements were a trending one, with rags to riches games having been a growth market during the early part of the century.
Like many of it’s ilk it was so copied that all those elements have become beyond stale for those of us who play board games, and many have been severely improved upon as the general audience board game market has waxed and waned and new properties have been introduced.
Silly AHR, Catan is where it’s at.
Apparently it’s the secular version of Settlers of Canaan!
Arguably Settlers would be a hard sell for someone like Danny at the time this comic happens. This was around the time the first English version in the US came out… something I remember because in early ’99 one of my friends was debating whether or no to go ahead and replace his German copies (with the painstakingly hand translated rules sets for up to 8 players), which was getting worn out (specifically the paper components) from lots of heavy play.
If you’re sick of Monopoly, I recommend picking up a copy of Ticket to Ride or any of the other great games on this list:
http://boardgamegeek.com/familygames/browse/boardgame
“This cuddling is okay, but I seem to have a boner in my back”
I…think you should see a doctor if that happens to you.
Well, technically they can do everything up until actual insertion. Unless we have different definitions of virgins, which is possible
On that note, maybe Billie should take a look at this:
http://youtu.be/KaM2JTkDREI
“Technically a virgin” defeats the entire purpose of virginity. Regardless of some definitions being for one specific sexual act, the intent is about sex in general (and resisting lust as well, in religious contexts). “Technically a virgin” means absolutely nothing of value to anybody (except the person who thinks they’re being clever, I guess), whereas “actually a virgin” can hold some significance to people. Actually, you’re only really screwing yourself by trying to claim “technically a virgin” – you could have just involved penetration too and had more fun, since “technically a virgin” doesn’t mean a damn thing.
This is a huge pet peeve of mine
To be pedantic, “technically a virgin” is the main thrust of the classic intent in the Abrahamic religions. It’s all about reproduction rights and not squandering them. For male adherents this means not doing anything that could lead to ejaculation, for female adherents it’s about not doing anything that could lead to pregnancy. The extension of this is a development from theological thinking regarding a monastic context that became applied on a lay level.
Wait, so the one page spread of her and Ruth doesn’t qualify as cuddling?
(Of course not, but I can’t resist bringing that page up when the opportunity presents).
She thought that was heavy petting.
But did it lead to bed wetting?
Time for some passionate pants-on hugging. Awwwwwwwwwww yeah!
They’re bringing sexy back.
“Billie and Danny make a Chaste Cuddle” Coming soon to Slipshine.
Maybe it’s not that she’s never heard of cuddling, but just can’t imagine a human female cuddling with Danny.
Or Maybe when Billie gets done banging she quickly rolls out of bed, farts, gets dressed and leaves.
I-I’m sorry, what?
I’m pretty sure you hit someone’s fetish on at least one of those points.
You know…like guys do?
So what we’re saying at that point (seeing as he doesn’t currently have his license) is that Danny’s just a sober virgin who can’t drive??
haaaaaaaaaahahahahahahahaaaaa
Cuddle, talk, watch cartoons, look at funny stuff on the internet. It’s a fun and lovely existence but admittedly doing the other thing sounds like a lovely thing to do at some point.
This is going to be a somewhat interesting relationships.
Hold hands and look at pictures of dinosaurs, duh!
Originally posted:
August 23, 1999