Jared’s Subway Diet
on December 17, 2016 at 12:01 amOh god, Jared From Subway. Â Whyyy.
Did you know Jared Fogle went to Indiana University?  Did you know Jared Fogle lived in Read Hall?  Did you know that Jared Fogle is essentially my age?  Did you know that this means it’s NOT INCREDIBLY UNLIKELY that either I lived in the same dorm hall at the same time as him in college, or even that I possibly inherited his old room when I came in as a freshman after he’d moved offcampus to live over a Subway and rent out VHS tapes of pornography?!?!
What I’m saying is, this strip is based on me buying an actual $2Â three-pound bag of Smarties and living off it for a week. Â That’s what I’m saying. Â That’s all that I’m saying. Â There is nothing additional to say.
Loading ...
Originally posted:
March 31, 2002
Jeez I was 4 when this came out. And I was born when Willis was first going to college, I’m pretty much just trying to make him feel old
I was working on finishing my second Associates Degree at that time. Thanks.
It was my 21st birthday, two weeks after my father passed away.
Oddly enough he did similar Smarties binges a few times when I was in high school (I suppose by then the danger of me following an all-candy-bad-example was less pressing) despite being just about the last person on Earth I would ever have expected to share any common ground with Walky.
Don’t do that.
If you want to make Willis feel old, point out that his birthday is closer to WWII than the present day.
… but wait until I’m out of earshot first.
I’m allowed to post, routinely, that these were originally made more than 14.5 years ago. I think you’ll be fine.
I was job hunting. Recently out of work from the post-911 recession. Long out of college. Long enough to go back and get a different degree and still be a couple years out again.
I was in middle school and hating life.
I was 15. I think Mom had forced me to drop out of High school by then because I was so stressed I was sleeping in the middle of the day despite severe insomnia. (Much less supportive and sympathetic faculty than I was used to, they violated my IEP and cut off computer access because they were convinced Nethack was a hacking tool, continuation of my history of bullying that had gotten worse in middle school…)
I like smarties, but I don’t think I could eat only smarties for an entire day. Maybe mix in some other kinds of candy as well.
Yikes, Jared Fogle!
…Do you mean actual Smarties or do you mean Rockets, which Americans call Smarties? One is delicious and one is disgusting.
True that
I’ve never had actual smarties, but I actually like US Smarties. Sweetarts are better, but mildly flavored sweet candy is good. Also, have positive associations from childhood.
Judging by the picture in panel 4, I would say it is American smarties, ie: Rockets.
If these are the Canadian Smarties I am behind Walky, else, ew.
I dunno what they have in Canada, but American Smarties are essentially pixie sticks in the form of chewable tablets.
Up here those are called Rockets, while the trademark for Smarties is held by a product that’s basically like M&Ms with a thinner, sweeter candy coating.
And better chocolate. Also aren’t they British rather than Canadian?
British chocolate and Canadian chocolate are much the same – very milky, very sweet.
UK Smarties are also the M&M kind.
ya know it’s funny, but I got some U.S. Smarties b/c I needed cheap candy for the punks that loot the candy bowl we leave out on 31 Oct… I remember them tasting like chalk when I was little, but now they’re super sweet–was sugar such a huge percentage of my diet that I couldn’t taste it??
(I’d say I eat better now, but only in the sense that it’s significantly more meat than sugar)
It’ll likely be that you developed your palate to an extent that the experience of the chalky texture doesn’t overwhelm the sugar taste.
I don’t think Dina will be too happy to have the old Walky back.
If she can’t love him for who he is instead of who she wantsaid him to be then she can get to stepping.
Don’t worry–I don’t think you can get child molester cooties.
Now that’s a smart bargain. 😛
That last panel is just missing a cheesy song and ending credits.
Also bad: Jim Jones went to my high school, though decades before I was born. Apparently he won a few records too, though his name’s been taken down from almost all of them.
did you know a lot of the weight Jared lost at Subway, he’d gained from eating at Mother Bear’s pizza every day as a freshman? which is now Gallosso’s pizza, i guess.
nnoooooooooooooooooooooooo
So you’re saying Mother Bear’s heroically tried to (gradually) kill him via unhealthy food?
But it’s Galasso’s Pizza (and subs). Why would he ever leave?
Ah, a strip that was affected by the passage of time even more negatively.
Ah yes… back when people thought fat caused heart disease and obesity instead of sugar.
Eat your way to type-2 diabetes by age 30, Walky.