Dreams are based on experience
on June 13, 2013 at 12:01 amChapter: Joyce the Squirrel
Characters: Danny Wilcox, Joyce Brown
Location: Joyce and Sarah's dorm room
Sorry, Joyce, but while you might not have any experience with sex at this point, I’m pretty sure your brain will still try to furiously to fill in the blanks best it can.
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NOT FULL HOUSE!
“Subject him to the Full House.”
“No! Not the Full House.”
Heh. Even in Joyce’s dreams Danny is terrified of her.
Well, she DID say “past experience”…
Not The Sound of Music? =B
Oh god, Joyce would love Full House, wouldn’t she?
I love the effort you went through to draw the Full House opening on the TV
Hey, it was a good show. First season was shaky, but it was very entertaining.
My childhood crush on Candace Cameron didn’t hurt, to be sure.
Candace Cameron was a beautiful young woman. I got so pissed off when I heard the behind the scenes people tried to force her to lose weight.
Really? Jeez. That’s a sucky thing to do…
didn’t have to look it up
Only sitcom opening to prominently feature the site of a mass grave!
Oh god. Joyce is going to imagine Danny rubbing her tummy with Uncle Joey’s Mr. Woodchuck puppet, isn’t she.
Sadly, that would be an improvement over this dream.
Not at all, because Joey wasn’t an Uncle, he was just their dad’s best friend… Why he needed to move in, I’ll never know.
On the topic of Full House: I am completely willing to believe that Uncle Jesse has a moderately successful Beach Boys cover band, sure why not.
But I refuse to believe Uncle Joey does stand up in nightclubs with a routine that consists of Bullwinkle impressions and a half-assed Popeye laugh.
Walky Coulier pulled it off, why couldn’t his character?
It’s just Joey, he was never Uncle.
Now I really want to conduct a psychological study of the inclusion of sexual dreams in people, and when they start/what triggers them.
I’ve never had a sexual dream.
Kinda pissed about that really.
I think I have, but they’re only half-remembered at best.
I was well into my 20s before I had one that I remembered. And it was weird. Not nearly ‘rub it on my tummy!’ weird, but weird.
Mine always, always ended before anything could actually happen. Early tip-off to being an asexual, really.
Also, they also always concluded in the same hotel room. I’m not entirely sure why.
Mine were similar. I’d get a lady, we’d be about to have sex, and then the hotel would be set on fire. Or the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles would burst into the room and we’d have to run from Shredder. Or I’d decide that I wanted things to be really awesome and so we kept swapping beds for ages trying to find the best one.
I’m not asexual. I just think that I like frustrating myself.
No, no, yours were clearly far more exciting than mine.
Best I ever got was that I had to track my fucking lady friend through a mall that looked like it was designed by the guy who makes the McDonald’s play pens. And even then–you guessed it–it all concluded in that goddamn hotel room, and I woke up before any clothes could come off.
One day I’m gonna revisit every hotel I’ve ever stayed at and find out where the fuck that floor plan comes from.
… Was it at least an interesting-looking hotel room?
Not really. It had twin beds, though–another tip-off.
So did mine but it was clearly my subconscious telling me “Not even in your dreams. Sorry.”
Last night I dreamt of Magic the Gathering and cat urine.
It’s weird. I’ve never really played Magic the Gathering.
But the cat urine isn’t weird?
Well I’ll tell you once thing: Needn’t have sex to have such a dream. But judging by how my dreams went, it seems that until I experience the actual thing, I will feel nothing in the dream.
Will it be the episode where Jesse and Becky are trying to fuck and Michelle won’t go away and let them?
The “thing” would have made this dream sequence so much better.
Also if it was more acid trippy than “oh hey we’re animals now.”
The secret thing?
Ben Grimm. All my best dreams involve Ben Grimm.
Yeah the dumbing of age version makes a lot more sense, just shows how much you’ve grown and matured as a writer!
My father-in-law (who is basically Joyce, if Joyce was a 60-year-old man) refuses to watch Full House because “it’s pornographic.” I haven’t asked him what he means by that, because I’m pretty sure I don’t want to know.
Do it. Do it and post his response. Because that is a story that needs to be told.
Originally posted:
January 7, 1999