Mrs. Piper is the name of my actual second grade teacher.  And the first panel is apparently very feasible — I googled her just now to see if she was still alive, and some sketchy website presented me with a very plausible address and phone number!  WOW.  YIKES.  Uh.

I will not be cold-calling some 80-year-old woman to yell at her, no.

Look, I know it’s not your fault, Mrs. Piper, you (and every teacher until I got to college) didn’t know this was imminently outdated technology.   I’M STILL KINDA PISSY THOUGH, IT WAS ALL VERY TEDIOUS