Help Me Harlan was a college newspaper advice column written by some affable dude that apparently didn’t run on Tuesdays.  What ran on Tuesdays was The Sexpert!  The only thing I remember from The Sexpert was a poor young lady asking what to do with half a hot dog shoved too up her cooter to retrieve.  If I recall, the response was “it’ll probably eventually dissolve???? also be careful shoving food up your cooter.”

do not use this advice i am running off of fifteen-year-old memories and i know very little about cooters